I don't I do

Writers block can be good. Its has left me purely reflective and able to calculate why my spirit is different after time has gone by. Sort of a no brainer if you know the Lord, you know He transforms lives and rocks. It's always good to reflect on what God has called me to GIVE UP to Him, and of course, the work He's done entirely on His own. Also to analyze the time it has taken for my slow self to get here. (Slow ass). How many times did God call me to quit pursuing my own dreams in high school? How many times did He tell me to wait for Him before I created my own mess? I can learn from this. So I jotted down 'the past,' which defines my old life and rugged heart- pretty detailed (you can imagine the rest, I bet I did it). The past is mostly out of the way, although occasionally I can get tempted by a few of the listed items. I don't Have to write a disclaimer- but I will quick. . *I am no better than anyone who currently does these things. Deal with your own conviction. Also, I am not saying every item is considered a 'sin.' This is a list that Was my world. I let the world make me what it does.* Ha. Ok. "The present" is a shorter list because if you notice, these things are written less specifically. Struggling with impatience, doubt, distraction, etc is difficult and annoying. The little = sign is not about making this conclude like an Alanis Morrisette song, believe it or not, it shows a couple results of a purer heart, baby. What it is all about. Another warning***This introduction was cooler than what you are about to read. It was more of a personal reflection for my own understanding. Maybe writers block means- "If you MUST write, at least don't Publish it on the world wide web."

The past

I don't always have something to say

I don't dwell on my own dreams

I don't look behind on pain caused by others

I don't convince myself of lies

I don't escape to the extreme

I don't try hard at things that do not matter

I don't have all the freshest music

I don't wear makeup most days

I don't rely on others for my self-worth 

I don't make fun of people
I don't blind myself to people's character

I don't do drugs

I don't isolate myself 

I don't drink alone
I don't get wasted, whatsoever

I don't rely on music to tell me how I feel

I don't read books to escape, but to arrive

I don't read books to know more, to argue more, to pretend

I don't plan my life precisely

I don't ignore my choices

I don't give my heart away for free
I don't leave church aching when I go

I don't accept my own ignorance

I don't think I'm right, even about myself

I don't blind myself to convictions

I don't take pictures of myself 
I don't talk to men that are not lovers of Christ, unless I am witnessing

I don't fake
I don't let my heart not forgive 

I don't forget to communicate with those I love.

Presently 

(Not that the above picture symbolizes a "pure heart" I chose it I think because I was not drunk or intoxicated, yet instead 'feelin good, feelin free in my life presently). 
I do lose my patience

I do waste time, a lot

I do things without a kind heart

I do make excuses

I do lose sight
I do not always take care of myself well

I do give up easily

I do doubt

I do daydream 

I do lose hope 

I do lust

I do let envy enter into my heart

I do distract myself and others

I do become proud

I do fail

=

I am experienced but fragile

I am exposed but encouraged
I am a sinner but forgiven
I am given new mercies every morning

I am wide open to my Lord only

I am given grace to see 

He never fails.

One verse in particular comes to mind

'I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.' 
Philippians 1:6

Patrick Watson - The Great Escape

Lights happen to be on

The world. You can look at my house and tell me who is sleeping. Your world's and all your personalities, the forests' trees and those on your private properties. It's Not our grace. Don't think it's still a tree, when you're looking at leaves all over the place. All over the place, the leaves have now left the tree. It's not your grace, the world, with the word garbage all over

Verandah

Memorabilia, cheerio. With no

mention to mend mentality

Disseminate decent propensity.

Instantaneous.

Ironic extrinsic collusion.

Nonsensical, suspiciously identical. Light-headed in

wonder.

Digest the wistfulness; ignore the weather.

Yielding to the inclinations; 
urging to discover ourselves in emphatic 

clarity.

All we know All we let.

Euphoria at the verandah

idiosyncrasy rapt at the verandah.

Juvenile warden of all spare gleam

Urchins to nomad's. One in the same.

Nonsensical clarity didn't blow past me again.

Sincerity swept me to the verandah;

Ripe nostalgia at the verandah.

Infer the weather was a tactic & nothing on this earth could be against love.

Time the ice sheets crumbled.

Love loosened at the verandah.

Lookup aged wine,

no poison no opinion.

The vacuum of His eyes

Maintaining bare in a house full of sounds 

There is no bound to Your mercy 

Retiring the battlefield to the books that charge me for the escapades that don't pay me to listen

This body is a pile of wood

I am ready to hear Your word I am ready to burn for Your food

The leaves have now left the tree, uplift me into the mountains.

You see me righteous 

You don't rest but you count your sheep

Love is Love is Love is You never fail

Mount me Up on your rock, and not upon the sand and clocked. 

Waves will take me 

You will bring Your glory through the clouds

as I

evaporate towards the son.